By Amanda Lupis, The Become Her Now Method
During perimenopause, I realised something confronting.
Self-love isn’t indulgence.
It isn’t performance.
It’s regulation.
When your hormones shift, and your emotions amplify, you either learn how to steady yourself - or you start searching for something outside of you to do it.
I know what it feels like to search.
To believe that working harder, mothering harder, giving more is love.
To think that pushing myself non-stop is strength.
And if I’m honest, I still catch myself searching and I know that pattern well.
But now I notice it sooner.
And noticing sooner is regulation.
Perimenopause made it impossible to override.
The heart remembers what the head tries to ignore.
It remembers when you are exhausted, but keep saying yes.
It remembers when you are resentful but call it responsibility.
It remembers when you are pushing instead of being pulled.
You can override your body for a while.
Eventually, it will ask you to listen.
Self-love became real for me when it became practical.
It became how I speak to myself.
Instead of criticising myself for feeling overwhelmed, I pause and ask:
“Okay… what’s going on, Amanda?
What do you need right now?”
That shift changes everything.
It softens my nervous system.
It moves me from reaction to awareness.
It reminds me I have me.
This isn’t about thinking positively.
It’s about thinking in a way that empowers you.
Now, before I move toward something, I ask:
Am I pushing…
or am I being pulled?
Pushing feels forced. It feels like pressure, obligation, proving.
Being pulled feels aligned. It feels grounded, intentional, chosen.
When we’re disconnected from our hearts, we force ourselves into things that aren’t aligned and then wonder why we feel drained.
Regulation reconnects you to that inner signal.
A dysregulated woman searches externally - for validation, reassurance, relief.
A regulated woman generates steadiness from within.
She pauses.
She breathes.
She chooses her state before she chooses her action.
And I still practice this.
Regulation isn’t something you master once.
It’s something you return to.
If you are in a season where your emotions feel heavier or harder to manage, you are not broken.
It is an invitation to regulate.
Pause.
Put your hand on your heart.
Take one slow breath.
Ask yourself gently:
“Okay… what’s going on?
What do I need right now?”
Notice something small you’re grateful for.
Not to escape your reality, but to steady yourself inside it.
Come back to the heart when in doubt.
Centre in gratitude and move forward from there.
Checkout her website now! amandalupis.com
